Sometimes feeling disabled is not only a physical circumstance. In our society it´s most of the time a mental state.
As we grow as people and humans into this world, we meet many cruel sides of others and ourselfes.
European society is luxurious in most regions, we are functioning with the thought of beeing one special human. But not in an encouraged way, this one we forgot. Pressed into individuals, shamed as them.
Most of us are disabled and we don´t even recognise it.
As soon as we get into adult worlds, forms and norming, we get along with it.
We even forgot how to heal our own wounds sometimes. Even if this should be natural, to deal with ones body and mind.
Instead, we´re so caught up in a relative reality, a dream of bigger stuff while we are growing with every year. We outgrow our dreams every day, yet we believe they stay the same.
Moving out is a nice and encouraging move.
For many others it still is and will be too.
But still, you get caught up in your own problems, like before. Moving out just changes suroundings, appearance and possibilities.
Still, a heart can be uncanny and wild. Settling down doesn´t seem like a nice and calming idea. It feels more like imprisoning thoughts.
You work, not for a long time, soon you already feel the pain again. It´s a luxurious pain, a pain others can´t afford.
Or do I only feel this way because I´d rather be in the other position?
Besides these worries of mine, I can´t see the bigger picture at all. I´m not encouraged, I´m not in exhietment, I´m not there.
We´re one option of a kind, but we´re actually none of a kind. So how do we feel about this, how do I feel about this?
So from time to time I´m breaking out of habbits, apparently I´m going back to my natural habbits. Discomfort. I start to like it more and more. The more I get comfortable around my own appartment, my own daily life, I start to think about what could lead me out of my comfortzone. Because all these things don´t seem that uncomfortable to me.
I got fear, sure ,but I tickle myself more and more to step out of it. I don't want fear to stop me, rather it should encourage myself and get energized through it. Like adrenalin does.
I´m still waiting for that step to go.
This one step of nature inside and outside of me, where I´ll only find myself and the world around me. And if the longing will be too strong, I´ll no longer wait.
Am I what I write down?
Am I what I wish for or am I moreover my dreams combined?
Am I the rearrangement of them?
I think I´m full of potential, but I have to find out how I will awaken it. Not only creating, also living it and expand what I have experienced.
In the end I´m not at all disabled, neither anyone is.
We just declare to be more than our bodies and minds. We´re capacity in it´s full potential.
And how we long for it, how much I do...
(1/2 2021)
