See the patterns within. They´re full of comfort, but outside there are the waves of love.

My first travels since a long time.

Somehow everything starts anew this year.

Corona is over for many of us, in many ways but and with such a relief.

My travels were in my mind for a long time, especially Japan since I wanted to go there since I was 16.

Back then I loved anime and mangas and in my mind a picture of Japan created itself. With this picture and a huge wish for travels, I day- dreamed of this country.

Now, many years later, I had the chance to meet an old friend which I didn´t see for such a long time... So I took it and, oh boy, how I needed these new paths of an unknown country.

Jetlaged and confused I arrived in so called Tokyo, the mega city, the legend.

But it was all too much. I traveled with my ex partner and arrived with exhietment but still resentment. Chaos ruled my heart in a wild rush of endorphine and hatred.

Why i traveled with him? Well, we planed to do the travels when we were still together and I understood his will to join the travels to Japan even if we broke up. We're not enemies, I was mostly overwelmed by the feelings of the breakup, while he mostly stayed cooler in adress to the situation.

But we split soon after, since i adressed the need of separation already before the trip started.

At first i felt imprisoned even by the first few days i had to spend with him but after a while and with seeing my japanese friends i found more peace within the idea of making this trip happen for both of us. These days did not count within my solotravels, but they were necessary to make the transition.

Since I'm a person who´s mostly too kind to others and didn´t had lots of boundaries in the past, I'm incredibly proud, that I managed to set them. It felt like a huge wall before the travels, but it was the best to do, which I felt as soon as we were in Japan.

However, after we split I felt the world opening up to me, step by step.

Day after day I began to open my field of view and feel more what i wanted to feel. Call it healing, call it freedom, call it even rightful space for feelings, it unlocked pure joy. But I also felt deep grief which I carried for a long time within me.

And oh suprise: At the end of my trip I cried a huge river of tears for the fact, that I had to face my past emotions and partner again. But I also laughed at the sunset and felt lighter, warm hearted and not locked up anymore.

I remember now, there is a huge amount of love I have to give and I mostly used it for granted in the past few years, I gave it to everyone until it was used up. I had chosen relationships which mostly profited but yet didn´t give back much.

I had to open so widely for Japan and I truly wanted to connect with all I was confronted with. I opened up so widely and let go of all the grief and first guessing thoughts I hold in my heart.

To be honest, my Japanese is not that great and I struggled a bit with learning. Honestly, I didn´t learn as much as I wanted. But I had the chance to look into so many lifes which crossed mine.

Not only did the people I've met embraced me with their full sight, they also took their time to see me and let me see them.

My capacity of feeling greateful grew with every new meeting and in the middle of the trip, my old smile returned. How I had missed laughing and smiling truly honest and without a sad feeling behind it.

All of this is very personal, but I had to get it of my chest and maybe the ones who're interested or know me better, can find some joy in these lines as well.

But there is also another aspect of this journey which I'll elaborate in another section of this blog. Another aspect which I find really important, one that connect some other topics and will be discussed in the "From the ducks quill" section. But I´ll need for time for that.

And to come to an end on this one;

It is time for many of us to open and it is okay to do so.

Nothing will hurt us, we should get rid of these feelings of resentment and masks.

Japan is a nation with many masks. And yet, while traveling, I met people who proved me, that it is time for all of us on this planet to be open. If we let go of this fear, if we mostly love and are grounded in what we are, we can start to let in all the people we need to grow.

I think we got nothing to loose anymore.

The world is coming to an end, as it always does and in it´s own way.

What do we have to loose?