Mistrust sounds most of the time quite miserable, too strange to trust.
But right now, mistrust is one of the best friends I´ve ever met.
After a while, some feelings inside the chest can get closed up and crowded. So crowded that they damage each other. Where does that come from?
Mine comes from reliance, faith in one special friend, one lover and person I adore for a whole life.
Since a few days, mistrust showed up, he showed up heavily.
He did not even sneak in, he just rushed throught that door of mine. All day long he tickled me inside until I was jittering.
Mistrust was my only voice inside my head, telling me sweet little lies. He gave me wrapped candys which turned out to be stones, so I collected them to remember. And at the end of the day I realised, I was free. I was free from trust, faith, reliance.
After all these times where mistrust fondled my chest and my soul, after all I was free. I felt free, I felt at the same time guilty. But with him I found my way to the easier part... let it be.
So I finally found myself a person I started to feel okay about.
This person wondered about nothing but her own business, and if not, to let it slide was always a part of the circle.
How long it would last? No one knows.
But for now, it sticks right to the skin.
I´m no longer trusting my lover, my friend or my most adored person, I let them rather be... And enjoy the presents I´ll recieve from them, their company included.
So mistrust is not always a bad guy, may we have to learn how to appreciate more.
Distrust itself is not directly the best way, but he can guide us. All of our feelings can be useful in one or the other way. There is no dark and light side, we all exist in exchange of them. Not only our light will guide us, our darkness gives us shelter and guidance too.
We are all ourselfes in this world, nobody will change that until we decide to do so.
26.9.2020
